So it’s been, what, two years since Oprah left network television to start on her OWN network where culture dignitaries like Maya Angelou and idiot bores like Doctor Phil can come on and hawk their wares to Midwest slouches. Not only was it supposed to be a veritable swap shop of Oprah devotion, it was also supposed to offer an alternative to the sundry television offerings of networks like E! and MTV. Oprah proclaimed “uplifting” television is where it was at.
Nobody wants “uplifting” television. Her first mistake was thinking becoming a network executive would be an easy job, a respite from the grueling schedule of having her producers tell her what her next show would be. Her second mistake was assuming her definition of “uplifting” matches America’s when I could tell her that no two people are going to agree what a nebulous word like “uplifting” means. I hate that word. I hear “uplifting” and “programming” packed into the same statement and I head for the hills, fearing a 700 Club marathon is about to be jammed into my eye-sockets. The Deification of Oprah made such hubris on her part possible, but she was only deified because she wasn’t giving out uplifting programming on her old network show. She got great interviews from people forming popular culture and opinion that week. That’s what made here a star. Not bullshit new age spiritualism and poetry…my god…POETRY.
Ok, so obviously someone with some common-industry sense got ahold to her and reminded her of this fact and now OWN will try to get some audience share from E! with a sit down interview with the Kardashians. A family of no-talent, nonsense baboons if I’ve ever seen one.
Have fun, America! Oprah’s back doing what she does best: catering to our ridiculous lack of taste. Buy her another Montecito Manse! Love you!
[“!” is not just an exclamation. Several computer languages use “!” for various meanings, most importantly for logical negation; e.g. A != B means “A is not equal to B”, and !A means “the logical negation of A” (also called “not A”). Therefore “!torrent,” is read as “don’t torrent.”]